"I want him in this room, at this very moment. I want him alive-a slight injury I permit, but I want him conscious and fully intact. Am I clear enough?" Bellowed the king.
"But sir, he is not in a state-"
"Was I not clear enough? Shall the king repeat himself, child?"
The servant bowed his head in consent, and hurried out of the chamber.
Lucifer was still chained agaisnt the wall. The servant was relieved. He let out a sigh. Lucifer was cherubic, merely five feet tall. His rosy cheeks were yet undisturbed by the bushy beard all the other angels proudly presented. His forehead was stricken with blood, his palms and feet bore the scarlett blotches from the chain. His eyes opened slightly at the call of the servant. The servant approached Lucifer, unchaining him. Lucifer collapsed painfully onto the cold concrete floor.
"Rise, the red angel,
Have you not drowned and damned yourself
in wine?
Do glare at the limp body
that falls from the sky
For it is thine."
"Raise your flag high
Where does your loyalty lie?
In the sky full of stars
Where baffled stars sigh?
In the slender streams
Where trees rest their thigh?" Replied Lucifer.
Taken aback by the abrupt comment, the servant silenced himself and took Lucifer by his arms and led him to the chamber.
"So, now you front me again." The king chuckled.
"Fifty years of captivity in hell, and you still look defiant. I liked you for that. You're a fighter, you question, criticize, then tear down things. You're different from other puppets that take age for granted. It's a pity you chose not to grow old. You would have been of great value to my kingdom, only if you managed to become one of us." The king shook his head in distress.
Lucifer struggled to his feet.
"Raise your flag high
Where does your loyalty lie?
A pigeon caressed by
the cold glance of the night?
A star
barely visible
embedded on the iris of your eye?
Mine lies within my curly red hair,
My bare cheeks where youth hides
from disgusting beards that penetrate
besides,
if sage was age,
sage is a wingless bird chained to its cage.
Grow up, old man."
Lucifer spat defiantly, glaring with his bottomless blue eyes.
Lucifer coughed, spitting out clotted balls of blood.
"Well, if you say so, I'll let you die young." He stepped up to the young angel, unsheathed his sword, and
"Lucy! Lucy! No!" Screeched Lucy's mother. She ran up to Lucy, who was stepping on the brink of the hospital, her hands spread wide horizontally. Lucy's father and doctor followed Lucy's mother.
"Brother, raise your flag high
where does your loyalty lie?
It lies neither on the battlefield
nor on the blood you shed.
Our heart
until the star regains its glory,
shall be red."
Lucy's soft whisper tickled her tears as she plummeted down the hospital building.
The sign on the hospital read,
"Athens Lunatic Asylum."
I really like the story. The twist wasn't so abrupt but it was very natural. I like the ending of your part. With those three words you create a drastic twist, which is very surprising.
답글삭제But the meaning of the poem you used for dialogue was quite opaque. I really didn't see why it was used there. Why do you say "loyalty" so much? I don't really see the relevance. I think it would've been better if you established the relationship. But the storyline is awesome
This shows creativity, effort, and some polished writing. The biblical references are hard to figure out, but they do lend a "mood" to the story which works well with the poem. To be honest, I think this (with some improvement) could be well suited to the Fenestella, and mixing a poem with a short story (a post modern one, perhaps) is more ambitious and more interesting to read than simply a poem. To be honest, I am not fond of most poetry I read when it is written by teenagers. Very rarely is it "good," and very rarely will mean anything to anyone other than the person who wrote it. So, the poem, but itself, doesn't interest me. In the frame of metafiction, however, it becomes more interesting. So you've done something to be proud of here. The ending with the crazy girl ties things together (though it does seem convenient), and we end up with a very layered story that does achieve metafiction. Thank you for following instructions. That said, the font and text is uniform throughout, and doesn't signal changes in narrative.
답글삭제